Relax. Nothing is in control.

Posted on February 6, 2016

When I read these words on some silly thing that floated across my Facebook feed, a smile touched my lips and a chuckle escaped my throat. Truer words have never been spoken.

Nothing is under control. Nothing. Nobody is driving this bus. The sooner we let go and enjoy the ride, the happier we will be.

Last week three different women told me they awoke in in the middle of the night with a sense of panic. Three! Then it happened to me. I flew out of bed and literally gasped, “What the hell?” Nothing was wrong, per se, but I was uneasy. Not all was well with my soul.

I ran down to my writing room and opened my journal to a blank page and let the words pour forth. I wrote and wrote and wrote. There was, evidently, a lot to get off my chest, hence the crushing panic attack-y feeling.

If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down.


An hour later I fell back into bed, finally able to sleep. But seriously, what WAS that?

It’s time to get serious about not being so serious, I think. Serious is exhausting and terrifying.

My word for 2016, or words in this case: Let Go. Or Release. Same-same, right?

I start every new year by letting go of things; bags and boxes of material debris leave our home each new year, but this time I’m letting go of some way heavier stuff. In that fevered journal-writing attack I had the deep realization that I need to release and let go of what others think of me. I soooo thought I was done with this bullshit! But no, it has been holding me back. What I really want to do with my life has been lying in wait while I somehow overcome my fear of what you think me.

I decided to just rip it off like a band-aid. The very next morning I put it out there that I was interested in teaching meditation, something I have wanted to do for many years.

Anyway, I had a positive response and am excited to see where this leg of the journey takes me. I’m not going to worry about where I land because nothing is in control.