Keep Going

Posted on November 27, 2015

Usually I like to keep myself at an even keel. I try to stay calm, be zen, not overreact. The problem is this is NOT my natural state of being. I am sensitive and emotional creature prone to, shall we say, meltdowns here and there. It sucks sometimes, crying in supermarkets when choosing birthday cards, or having giggle attacks during the childrens’ school assemblies at inappropriate moments. I can’t help it. I just FEEL a lot.

Today is one of those days where I find myself on an emotional roller coaster. I am all over the map. I’m frustrated at the laundry and icy-wet hockey gear which must hang to dry in my stupid office. I’m upset that my novel-writing or any writing has once-again faded away because I am always juggling so many other things. I am angry with myself for not being able to summon up the gratitude for the fact that I have this perfectly lovely writing day still ahead of me. But still. I just wanted to be that writer that lives in my mind. The one with the chic new eyeglasses, cozy sweater and perfect boyfriend jeans and leopard print flats who saunters into her gorgeous white office with gold and petal pink accents and a framed map of Paris, a chandelier, an ocean view, fresh flowers and sits down to her desk, sips herbal tea and writes uninterrupted by dogs, husbands or children for, like, you know, an hour or something outrageous!

During one of his many interruptions, my husband asked me how the novel was going. To be fair, he has put up with me talking about doing this for as long as he has known me. Well, maybe not quite that long, but at least a decade for sure. I responded with great maturity and poise, “It’s stupid. I hate it. It’s probably never going to happen.”

“Keep going.” That was it. Two words that were the most perfect words for me to hear. Even better than “I love you” in that moment.

He could have told me to please knock it off, or just end it now after ten years of scribbling and typing and bitching and moaning. “For the love of God woman, give it up!” But he didn’t. He looked me square in my watery, bloodshot, sleep-deprived eyes and said, “Keep going.” That was it. Two words that were the most perfect words for me to hear. Even better than “I love you” in that moment.  Since I was not having much luck at the desk. I decided to go have a hot shower. What is it about showers and baths that get the creative juices flowing? I deep-conditioned my hair and a plot twist came to me. I shaved one leg and a character roaming in from the sidelines revealing herself in a whole new way. I shaved the other leg and a complicated friendship was suddenly so freakin’ obvious, I wondered how I could have missed it.

I know this is not an earth shattering lesson. But sometimes when you just keep going magic does happen. Big Magic.